Gutfeld! : FOXNEWSW : August 23, 2022 8:00pm-9:00pm PDT : Free Borrow & Streaming : Internet Archive (2024)

yesterday a certain blond disrupter was sending a not so subtle message about proper work/life balance. >> i'm trying to type. type. okay. i've got to get the angle done. i've got to get the angle done. . >> laura: always a bit from a fauci fan. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] ♪♪ >> tyrus: what it is. do not adjust your eyes. i'm pretty sure that requires an eye surgeon anyway. it's super sized and it's

historic. hashtag tyrus. like the titanic, the movie, not the actual horrible maritime disaster of 19 12. i know, i know, too soon. yes, that's right, one of the biggest moments in tv history. and, no, it's not the first black man hosting the number one late night comedy show. nope, brother's been kicking ass on tv forever, red fox, richard prior arsenio hall dave chappelle and who can forget lewis muhammad gutfeld? but i'm definitely in the top three. no. even bigger. it's the first time a wrestler has hosted the number one late night show. [cheers and applause] yeah,

that's right. a wrestler. burns, doesn't it? just a wrestler. and where would this country be without wrestlers? we would probably be invaded by canada. look, even hunter biden is a huge fan of the rock. although he smokes it. the country without wrestlers would be like kamala without bongos. >> it is critical that we work together to understand where we are, to recognize and have the courage to speak truth about what is obsolete, and then to partner to ensure that we are speaking the same language with the same motivation inspired by the opportunities. >> tyrus: just sounds right. or be like president biden without cue cards. or gutfeld without a booster

seat. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: there's going to be a lot of those tonight. or a pitcher of geraldo with his shirt actually on. but, seriously, try going to a movie without the biggest star being a wrestler. john cena, kevin nash, the rock, stone cold steve austin, bill goldberg, roddie piper, dave bautista, hulk hogan. and what would the princess bride be without andre the giant? anybody want a peanut? oh, yeah, and tyrus [cheers and applause] now, without wrestlers, audiences would be left thinking guys like robert de niro were a tough guy. okay. but i will give you this one. john cena did not come up with the famous catch phrase you can't see me. he actually stole that from gutfeld who used that whenever he was standing behind a seven

year old. boom boom. boom boom. all night. boom boom. anyway, maybe movies ain't your thing. okay? but wrestlers can also write. ever hear aiest belling author nick foley or good old jr jim roth? or how about the number one on amazon new york times wall street journal best selling author tyrus? [cheers and applause] still not convinced? did someone hit you over the head with a steel chair? okay. well, america loves olympians and we've had mark henry, kent, curt angle, and he won gold. oh, it's true. it's dam true. we've had more takedowns than twitter. we have. factual. ever seen a gijoe cartoon as a kid, remember sergeant slater? okay, i get it this is a news network, so let's talk politics. okay? all right, cool.

jessie the body ventura. he went on to become governor of minnesota. and now one of the fastest rising voices in the republican party is a former ressler, mayor of knoxville, your friend and mine glenn jacobs aka change. so wrestlers can talk the talk and walk the walk unlike our current president who can't do either without a machine. matter of fact, you can't even say the american dream without someone saying dusty rhodes. dusty always told me, tyrus, paint your own canvas, and when you hear the people you'll know what to do. and you owe me money for all that i've taught you. open and shut like door right? no? still not convinced? okay. okay. have you ever been out in public and someone yells woo? and the people yell back, what? woo. why? because everybody wants to be the nature boy. ric flair, not joe, who has the

same nickname but for different reasons that hr won't let us get into. and wrestlers, we're in more homes than couches. everybody wants to be a wrestler. actors, singers, boxers, football players. last week kilmeade asked me to put him in a head lock. said it reminds him of high school. muhammad ali, don king, president donald trump, they all learned how to talk trash from wrestling. the great grill a monsoon coined the phrase the irresistible force movess the immovable object. that also sums up greg when he's cons spated. and when athletes win a super bowl or championships, they ask for what? a wrestling championship belt. [cheers and applause] now, this sunday when i beat trevor murdoch for the nwa world heavy weight championship at that time chase, i'm not going to ask for

a dam trophy. i'm going to wear my trophy. and i don't have anymore room for metal necklaces. [cheers and applause] still don't feel me? okay, okay. i didn't want to go there, but here we go. the second most talked about president of all time that freed the slaves, saved the union, abe the hatchet lincoln ring a bell? at 6'4" 220 pounds he was huge for the 1860s. so wrestlers are the very fabric of our country and it's no wonder tyrus is hosting the number one show. what ya gonna do brother or woman on person or -- we ain't got time for all that. the next time a wrestler walks by you say thank you. still want to tear your shirt off and disagree? i said old abe was the second most talked about president of all time because the greatest wrestler to become president, who else? president donald trump [cheers and applause]

>> tyrus: and, man, can he cut a promo just like a wrestler. he's a villain, he's a good guy. love him or hate him, guess what? you still watch him. and you see, that's the story of wrestling. it's the same with the story of america. individual that beats the odds, tenacious, gritty, when ity and strong. with all those traits there's no goal you can't reach, even if you're as short as greg. i told you, all night. who knows, there could be a third wrestling president. [cheers and applause]. >> nuf said [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: let's welcome tonight's guests. she's the florida phenom active in the navy reserves and you will get served, morgan the

octopus ortagus. representing the great outdoors, the arizona assassin, nature girl katie pavlich. [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: from parts unknown, weight unknown, his reasons for being here unknown, comedian joe devito [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: and like an ink cartridge, she's small, colorful and hard to replace, kat the smitten kitten timpf. [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: or catherine c timpf >> kat: catherine c snooifrp investigative journalists on the tyrus pod casts. a lot of plugs >> kat: yeah. >> tyrus: kat, i know from last mid when i would send you ideas about my monologue, you did not know that abraham lincoln was in fact a wrestler >> kat: i did not know that so i was like how much do i not know about wrestling. so i googled a lot about wrestling. >> tyrus: oh, boy >> kat: it's the oldest sport

ever so it's like older than jesus, that's a big deal. and there was a guy named barey har horror witnesses had a seven year losing streak. i thought that was relatable because i had one in dating. and snooky won more ppe wwe matches than sting. like what can snooky not do. i can go on for a really long time but i won't. like there's -- i just thought it was people throwing chairs. i apologize. >> tyrus: and bret baier will not have you on >> kat: i know. i could do a special wrestling report >> tyrus: all right assassin. you and i would have a small feud, last time i was on the feud i made fun of your cart began. >> i did not. i actually called it sweater material cardigan which is true.

>> tyrus: okay. so were you shocked or surprised to hear that, president trump was in fact a wrestler? >> i was shocked and surprised about that. i used to think they were very short and stout and then i met you and my mind was blown. but one of my favorite shop teachers in high school was for welding, i also know how to weld in addition to being an assassin was a wrestling coach and he did throw a desk across the room once and then we didn't see him again. >> tyrus: yeah, i don't think it had anything to do with wrestling, probably had to do with peachers pay. >> katie: something like that. >> tyrus: mr. parts unknown, you know a little bit about everything, i was intrigued, do you always want to be from unknown. >> joe: don't have a choice when you're from parts unknown. >> tyrus: no taxes there either. >> joe: this is so strange. i never thought there would be a guest host who would choke me in the green room. >> tyrus: sorry about that. >> joe: it actually was last night when kat was hosting. [laughter] [cheers and applause]

>> tyrus: her pregame warm up is rough. >> joe: brutal. >> tyrus: i actually hid in the hair and dressing room while she was warming up, because, you know, my rep would have been gone in seconds if she choke slammed me people would have started picking on me. all right octopus, you've served and been in close quarters with me. how much influence has wrestling been in your life if at all. >> morgan: everyone knows from my national security beat that i'm such a big wrestling fan. >> tyrus: i'm sensing sarcasm. >> morgan: not really. i remember in high school the boys that wrestled, they all had like ringworm and i thought it was really gross. that's what i remember in high school. sfliet. >> tyrus: thank you. >> morgan: here's the other thing, my beef with modern wrestling. does john cena count as a modern today wrestler? because he ca pitch lateed to the chinese communist party and apologized in chinese for talking, for acknowledging hong kong and taiwan. so this is how i relate to wrestling, by talking about china. >> tyrus: that is a strong

argument. my question to you the is, do you own an apple phone? >> morgan: yes. >> tyrus: shut up. john cena is a saint. >> morgan: oh, are you buddies with him? >> tyrus: am i buddies with him? iyeah? >> tyrus: no, after he shade stuff? no, he was a good guy >> kat: what about barry horowitz. >> tyrus: no he was a legend and did lose for seven years. >> morgan: is he jewish? i love that we have a jewish wrestler. >> tyrus: sure. sure. before we go. >> we're not really known for our wrestling skills so if we have one i'll take it. >> tyrus: you don't. i'll be at the theater in new orleans on november 4th and you can get tickets at ticketmaster.com and use the early access code nola tyrus or wait until tomorrow morning when they go on sale. up next, illegal immigrants are coming in groups, but the white house still won't send the

troops. ♪♪ ♪ ♪ aleve x. its revolutionary rollerball design delivers fast, powerful, long-lasting pain relief. aleve it, and see what's possible. i would say that to me an important aspect is too... meta portal with smart sound. helps reduce your background noise. bring that sense of calm, really... so you come through, loud and clear. meta portal. the smart video calling device that makes work from home work for you.

meet leon the third... leon the second... and leon... the first of them all. three generations, who all bank differently with chase. leon's saving up for his first set of wheels... nice try. really? this leon's paying for his paint job on the spot... and this leon, as a chase private client,

he's in the south of france, taking out cash with no atm fees. that's because this family of leons has chase. actually, it's león. ooh la la! one bank for now. for later. for life. chase. make more of what's yours. "peace of mind." such a big, beautiful idea. and for us at booking.com this means - free cancellation on most bookings. it's a bit functional. but we'll gladly be functional. so you can be free. booking.com booking.yeah

>> tyrus: she got the national guard on the phone and they told her you're on your own. for the second time the pentagon has denied a request by washington, dc's mayor muriel bowser to activate the national guard to help with migrants arriving there. they must be worried about sending troops somewhere that won't be a 20 year commitment that has nothing to do with our problem. had to think about that one right? yeah, it all hits you right now. yeah, oh, yeah [cheers and applause] the wrestler's clever.

the defense department says the national guard isn't trained to assist migrants and it would force them to cancel military training. next week they're going to learn about pronouns that make enemies feel bad. about 7000 migrants have been buffed in from texas to dc according to governor greg abbott's office which is still more than flying spirit airlines. oh, yeah, have you flown it? bet you won't fly it twice. here is a few days ago talking about the crisis. >> before we begin bussing illegal immigrants up to new york, it was just texas and arizona that bore the brunt of all of the chaos and all of the problems that come with it. now the rest of america is understanding exactly what is going on. >> tyrus: so just like emotional support peaco*ck, this is everyone's problem.

speaking of new york, officials have announced plans to secure over 5,000 hotel rooms for newly arrived migrants. the real question is, do they get early check in? that's my biggest pet peeve, man. i need. and that could cost the city more than $300 million per year? we tried to reach a new yorker for comment, but they already moved to florida. [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: but that 300 million comes from an analyst by the new york post, which with is owned by our parent company, baby gap. and speaking of gutfeld's favorite places to shop. all night. all night. we should check to see what he's up to on vacation. >> oh, my god.

>> tyrus: all night. okay, assassin. you're from arizona, correct? >> yes. >> tyrus: so you are first and knee deep in this situation of the border crisis. do you feel any sorrow for dc and new york? >> i think this might be my fault. i'm from arizona and now all of a sudden the problem's here. i'm sorry new york, i guess it's my fault. it just follows me wherever i go. but no i don't feel sorry for them. i think it's great greg abbott has put sunlight on this issue. the new york mayor and mayor of dc are complaining people are being buffed into town but they didn't have the same complaint when the federal government was flying these people in the middle of the night into town. so now that you can see it all of a sudden they're outraged and they're talking about this in a very short-term way. they're saying we're going to put people up in hotel rooms. the first time i came to new york city i slept on my brother's dorm room floor, stupid idea. but this affects everybody on

every single level, it's an underpinning of the economy and long term creates an issue of a two-tiered society where we have people who are living, quote nthe shadows for years and years and years with no opportunity to really become american. and when it comes to them going where they are, maybe they should call ice for deportation instead of calling for national guards to process these people. >> tyrus: the hotel thing, joe -- [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: yeah, you better clap. she's not called the assassin for nothing. joe, you travel. >> joe: i do. >> tyrus: hotels are probably, like me, take up a lot of your home life living in hotels and stuff. how much of this concerns you the fact that so many hotel rooms in new york especially are going to be filled with migrants. how will it hurt the tour jives several years ago i stayed at the milford plaza in midtown and i have to say this can only be an upgrade.

300 million does not include the group discounts through hotels.com. i don't know if they factored that into that. i think it's important. you made a good point. it shows that people can call themselves a sanctuary city but then when people start to show up suddenly, we're overwhelmed. well this has been going on in the other parts of the country that has had to deal with the kwons sequences of policies that people in other parts of the country come up with when they don't have to face the consequences. it has nothing to do with being anti immigrant, we don't have unlimited resources to go around. >> tyrus: kat you're a new york native. are you concerned about this of them going into hotels as opposed to the homeless shelters which are full >> kat: i've only lived here nine years so i'm not a new yorker. >> tyrus: detroitee? >> kat: yeah. i think, this is kind of back when the whole wall thing was happening and i was like i don't think we need the wall and everybody was like, boo, your

apartment has walls, you're dumb. i'm paraphrasing. perhaps some of you maybe. >> tyrus: that guy >> kat: a cheaper way to do is could be to not -- it's the welfare state that's the issue, writing all these incentives for people because obviously it's not like immigrant needs money. for example half the startups in this country were started by immigrants. unfortunately under the biden administration a lot of people who want to work and have green cards he's been wasting those because unable to process those. i think that what you expect when you say yes, come here, everything's free, other people will pay for it, i mean, who wouldn't? who wouldn't come and do that? >> tyrus: bret baier, have you lost your mind? this is money. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: all right, take us home. >> morgan: i'm going to the border on tuesday for the first time. i'm excited, taking a bunch of women who are running for office so that will be exciting get to

see it firsthand. remember in 2016 when ted cruz was running for president in the primary? he had the best ad. it was the ad where it had all the lawyers and accountants in suits and then, you know, having briefcases going over the border and he was making the point that if these people were coming after white collared jobs, there would be a very different reaction. now fast forward to 2022 and that's what we're seeing happen, right? we're seeing in new york and in dc, people are having to deal with the problems that all of the border states have had to deal with, everybody's a border state. i live in tennessee and illegal immigrants are being shipped there. so the middle of the country is a border state. so i think everybody in this country should have to share in the problem together and i don't really want to hear them wine anymore the mayors. they said they welcome them. good, welcome them, pay the bills. >> tyrus: welcome them doesn't mean complain. [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: i forgive you for the besmirchment of cina we're good

now. before we go greg is off all week brian kilmeade will host and plus judge ja mean, kat and tyrus, that's me. and up next, saying farewell to the doc who made life hell. [cheers and applause] technically when enamel is gone, you cannot get it back. but there are ways you can repair it. i'm excited about pronamel repair because it penetrates deep into the tooth to help actively repair acid-weakened enamel. i recommend pronamel repair to my patients.

as someone with hearing loss i know what a confusing and frustrating experience getting hearing aids can be. that's why i founded lively. affordable, high-quality hearing aids with all of the features you need, and none of the hassle. i use lively hearing aids and it's been wonderful. it's so light and so small but it's a fraction of the cost of the other devices. they cost thousands less. it's insanely user friendly. you take the hearing test online, the doctor programs in the settings. you don't even need to go into an office. they're delivered to your door in a few days and you're up and running in no time. it connects via bluetooth to my phone. you can stream music and you can answer phone calls.

the audiologist was so incredible she's full of all kinds of little helpful hints i love it. they're a game changer for me. i feel like i can take on anything. it feels great to be in control of my hearing. better hearing has never been this easy. try lively risk-free for 100 days. visit listenlively.com

your spirit is stronger than your highs and lows. your creativity can outshine any bad day. because you are greater than your bipolar i, and you can help take control of your symptoms - and ask about vraylar. some medicines only treat the lows or highs. once-daily vraylar is proven to treat depressive, acute manic, and mixed episodes of bipolar i in adults. full-spectrum relief for all bipolar i symptoms. elderly dementia patients have increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor about unusual changes in behavior or suicidal thoughts. antidepressants can increase these in children and young adults. report fever, stiff muscles or confusion which may mean a life-threatening reaction,

or uncontrollable muscle movements which may be permanent. high cholesterol and weight gain, and high blood sugar, which can lead to coma or death, may occur. movement dysfunction and restlessness are common side effects. sleepiness and stomach issues are also common. side effects may not appear for several weeks. you are greater than your bipolar i. ask about vraylar and learn how abbvie could help you save. >> tyrus: it's the final call for dr. know it all. we finally say tootaloo to the covid guru. no more holding back your breathing, dr. fauci is finally leaving! [cheers and applause] he announced he's stepping down in december from his role as white house chief medical advisor director of the national

institute of health of america. the 81 year old young says he wants to pursue his next chapter of his career. critics say frankenstein doesn't need anymore chapters. again, you've got to think. you've got to think. it's what we do here. it's what we do here. all right. and while we and the wall street journal owned by our parent company frosted flakes calls out his record on the covid pandemic, liberal media can't help but kiss his entire ass. >> dr. anthony fauci is a singular figure in american history and in american public service. there has never been anyone else like him and there never will be again. >> always pushing for science first in president trump's white house, fauci at times exasperated his faith in hands. >> a lot of people came to know obviously dr. fauci in the last two and a half years at the start of this pandemic he was sort of the face of the messaging as he was pushing strategically and diplomatically against the president who often

was pushing in the wrong direction. >> tyrus: you know, with cheerleaders like this who needs emily come pan ohio. mad 0's right no one is like this, most people wrong about everything would never have made it through med school. and over at cnn he would only commit to hearing as long as republicans were gentle. >> when you required if republicans want you to testify, is that something you would do. >> sure i certainly would consider it but what has happened up to now is more of a character assassination than it is oversight. so sure i would be happy to cooperate, so long as we make it something that is a dignified oversight, which it should be, and not just bringing up ridiculous things and attacking my character. >> tyrus: wow. whatever that was. we actually got exclusive video of fauci announcing his resignation.

>> all right. i'm leaving this place. who's coming with me? come on we've got boosters, we've got mask, we've got my dad, who's coming with me? come on. who's coming with me? just me and bruce wayne here? come on. >> i. i will go with you. >> fantastic, just make sure you stand six feet away from me at all times. thank you. [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: katherine c. timpf never afraid >> kat: i forgot how much it sucks to wear a mask. >> tyrus: i'm surprised they weren't all throwing masks at him as he walked down the thing but we're a kind letter gentler republican party. kat when you think about his whole career what do you think stands out the most to you >> kat: the part where he said he was science. i'll never forget that. or the part where he just said

everything about everything. so like every now and then he was right. i feel like in other jobs you can't do that. like, including like first grade students. >> except for the weather >> kat: here's the thing, weather, sometimes you're wrong and maybe there's a hurricane that's worse than you thought. people would be mad but like even if there was a hurricane we wouldn't know about it still wouldn't close as many businesses as the stuff he said closed. like all around the country. and he's going to just collect more paychecks and not try to give back to all the people who he prevented from making a livelihood for themselves? >> tyrus: i'm with you there. joe, do you think he goes away or are we going to see him everywhere? >> joe: he'll pop up on one of the networks nothing his book. and i'll tell you about this book he will have it prominently displayed in his own bookshelf. that's the kind of guy. you saw in his openly office a giant portrait of himself and even fauci candles. not making that up he had the

fauci devotional candles. >> what's wrong with that? >> joe: with his own face on them? he probably used them when he was tired of getting high on the smell of his own farts. kat's right, when he said i am the science, that's something a mad scientist says >> kat: yeah. >> joe: if a teacher said i am geography you would say we have to move this guy out of here. he's nuts. >> tyrus: i am the wall. you're not. >> joe: science is a question, that's what science is. and his legacy will be children who lost years of schooling they won't be able to make up, businesses that closed, people that suffered from depression and stupid annoying covid misinformation that pops up on line when i'm trying to look at p*rnography. >> tyrus: so, octopus, i'm going to go out on a limb here and say there might be a scented candle with your name on it coming

along. >> morgan: my husband's sniffing it right now. >> what about joe biden? >> morgan: that's true. >> tyrus: so if we could not be creep -- i thought with gutfeld being gone the creepyness would go. way to go. >> morgan: i had to bring it back. >> tyrus: don't call her octopus for nothing. do you think fauci was being smart retiring now instead of waiting for the possible what was coming in november? >> morgan: no, i think when republicans win the house they still have authority to call him before the congress even if it's a subpoena so i don't think he can get out of it entirely and i think there will be. he's trying to make it about political or character assassination. what we actually need to know is why did he fund gain of function research in the wuhan lab? [cheers and applause] >> morgan: so he called it gain -- they didn't call it gain of function because they were trying to get around the obama

era rule that prohibited it so he went around the rules gave it another name and funded that research and the american people deserve answers on that. my experience, i spent a lot of 2020 in the white house working on covid and, you know, typical for every woman, we all know this, deborah birx comes in with all of the books and research, she's done all the work and she comes to the table and she's ready to talk about it. the guys like fauci come in, they have nothing, they haven't prepared, they're just there to look pretty. i wasn't overly impressed. >> tyrus: i don't have notes. i have a photo graphic memory so i'm prepared. >> morgan: you're a comedic genius there's a difference. >> tyrus:. >> katie: and a wrestler. >> tyrus: it's so hard to take a compliment after the whole sweater cardigan. it was brutal. give us your broad thought on this. like how -- do you think he ends up being in a real investigation? do you think he'll be held

accountable? >> katie: i don't think he will be held accountable. he is a perfect example of a washington, dc bureaucrat who has failed us, he did a terrible job during the aids pandemic, he's done a terrible job with covid. he said today that he didn't cause any irreparable harm, absolutely not true. he has destroyed the lives of a generation of children. he destroyed the lives of families all across the country. people died alone because of the policies this man put into place and people were unable to go get actual medical care for other things like cancer for emergencies for surgeries so now they're in pain the rest of their lives because they couldn't get surgery for injuries that they had. i mean, this man is a horrible example of what you can get away with if you're at that level. and he's going to pull attention, i think $350,000 from the taxpayers every year from now on. and the thing is, march 2020, he was actually honest about a lot of this stuff but once he got his first magazine cover he couldn't help but go with the

power and tierney given to him moving forward. so unfortunately a lot of people suffered but i'm not into the old help him kind of rule. >> tyrus: he will be on every tv show, ironic, the only non-math super star on the dan show i guarantee he has to show his face. >> coming up, they party in u-haul trucks to save a couple bucks. ♪♪

if you have type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure... ...you're a target for chronic kidney disease. they're the top two causes of ckd. ckd usually starts with no symptoms. so you can have it and not know it. to find out, check the kidney numbers from your lab tests. ♪far-xi-ga♪ if you have chronic kidney disease, farxiga can help slow its progression. farxiga can cause serious side effects including dehydration, urinary tract or genital yeast infections in women and men, and low blood sugar. ketoacidosis is a serious side effect that may lead to death. a rare, life-threatening bacterial infection

in the skin of the perineum could occur. stop taking farxiga and call your doctor right away if you have symptoms of this bacterial infection, an allergic reaction, or ketoacidosis. and don't take it if you are on dialysis. take aim at ckd by asking your doctor for your kidney numbers and how farxiga can help. if you can't afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help. ♪far-xi-ga♪

>> tyrus: how is the younger generation having fun with inflationing? millennials and again zs are ditching streaming services and getting an antenna to watch free tv instead. it's either that or move in at best buy. hopefully episodes of colbert will have them switching to books. [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: in a shocking revelation, antennas direct ceo

richard snyder says antenna's one of the fastest growing categories in consumer electronics this year, which definitely sounds like something an antenna ceo would say. shows you how barred things are when people wish they could still shop at radio shack. what, big radio shack fan base here? and as far as date night goes, the new york post reports that the younger generation are ditching traditional choices like restaurants in favor of hanging out and eating takeout in the back of a rented u-haul truck. well, i mean, it's a great way to combine romance and human trafficking. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: the two go hand in hand? hand in handcuff? sorry. duct tape would have been more appropriate, right? oh, so sensitive. maybe if i maybe a poop joke you

would be happier. [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: my advice to all the guys out there is be careful. the last time someone invited me to eat snacks in a u-haul truck the whole thing turned out to be a trick so i would help her move. and four months later i was married. joe? >> joe: yeah. >> tyrus: what are we going to do with that? they can't afford streaming service. wow. >> joe: yeah. >> tyrus: like seven thousand. >> joe: and they're partying in u-haul vance, this is not good for the young people. this is not. this is something you would expect from a guy my age who i might be living in a u-haul van. >> tyrus: it kind of changes the whole in a van down by the river right a sass san. >> katie: i think it's less expensive than paying nine bucks a month for netflix.

i think they find new things to do because they're board. a u-haul is 50 bucks an hour and takeout is $200 for takeout come on >> kat: some of it i didn't buy. the people said we save money by ordering takeout at chilly's and renting a u-haul and eating in the parking lavement. you could have saved more by eating it at chillies. they make more money by the mile so if you don't go anywhere you don't pay that much. they're going to raise prices as soon as they find out people are using them to eat snacks and do sex. >> tyrus: i mean. >> is that what you do in a u-haul kat? >> kat: that's what they do. >> joe: do they steam clean these things when you bring them back? >> tyrus: i'm going to get honest, it's hard to get them to cooperate in general.

i can't imagine poh, u-haul, honey you care about me. is that a cardboard box and a trash bag? you romantic devil. i don't think it would work. >> you drive a u on the new jersey turnpike and if you survive you would be impressedd. >> tyrus: you raise your children to avoid vans and strangers and u-hauls not i got a hot date tonight i met a strange man with a u-haul. what do you think -- >> this is giving me vibes of college of like the poetry club whenever some guy wanted to be like cool and ironic and he's like i got an antenna. that's all it is, it's a bunch of do, trying to be interesting. [cheers and applause] >> tyrus: she wasn't talking about me joe. >> joe: i'm glad i kept that receipt then. it shows you how bad -- we're going back to bunny ear antennas with the technology my grandmother used with a black and white sceneie that you had to put continue foil on and

smack. i thought we were moving away. >> tyrus: i have to be honest man some of the best shows in my life was sitting in a chair, move this way, hold it this way, and all the inventions you would make with tin foil because apparently if you make it thicker they bend more and just right and then when your mom's watching her stories you would be like this so she could find out who erica's sleeping with. maybe they'll bring back scramble tv. you know what i'm talking about. >> the best shows were with antennas like zena warrior princess. >> kat: i wasn't allowed to watch zena because she was a violent woman with cleavage. >> tyrus: i wasn't either for those same exact reasons. [laughter] [cheers and applause]. >> that's katie pavlich. >> tyrus: proves the best gift is cash.

wait!!! let me help—land o' frost premium meat.

delicious and no by-products! toss it in. ay, moi? ok. weeeeeeeeee! make the smart choice. land o'frost premium meat.

large out-of-state corporations have set their sights on california. they've written prop 27, to allow online sports betting. they tell us it will fund programs for the homeless. but read prop 27's fine print. 90% of profits go to out-of-state corporations, leaving almost nothing for the homeless. no real jobs are created here. but the promise between our state and our sovereign tribes would be broken forever. these out-of-state corporations don't care about california. but we do. stand with us. afi wondered what my case was worth. so i called the barnes firm. when that car hit my motorcycle, insurance wasn't fair. so i called the barnes firm. it was the best call i could've made. at the barnes firm, our injury attorneys work hard to get you the best result possible. call us now and find out what your case could be worth. you might be surprised. ♪ the barnes firm injury attorneys ♪

♪ call one eight hundred, eight million ♪ ♪ >> a story in five words ♪ >> tyrus: here's a story in five words. 21 billion in gift cards. gift cards. katie this is the worst gift ever in my opinion. >> katie: a gift card.

>> tyrus: you literally tell someone you can buy something in one place and i don't care enough to get you a gift from that sleighs. >> katie: but some gift cards are cash. you can get like a visa gift card, a mastercard. that's just cash. i don't know if you're aware of this. >> tyrus: and you've got to call on line. they couldn't just give you a c note. >> katie: i would rather get a gift card than a gift that doesn't go with my decor or i don't like or i don't want in the house. i think that's worse. i think gift cards are great options people. everyone agrees with me. >> tyrus: joe help me out do you think they're good options? >> joe: i put all my savings into gift cards. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> joe: i did. i converted my whole 401-k a great portfolio. i've got toys are us, circuit city, woolworths. the problem is i have an old navy gift card i've been trying to use up for ten years.

you cannot spend enough at old navy. i go to the counter with all this stuff and it's a $50 gift card and they say you're at $49. i'm like throw in the socks, they're like now you're at $52. you can't burn through it, it's regenerating itself. >> tyrus: that is tragic. my advice to you is have a daughter, you'll burn through it real quick. [laughter] >> tyrus: kat, please help me out here >> kat: gift cards are tough, really tough. because who keeps gift cards in your wallet all the time. at home, you're always at the place oh i should have the card. or even if you do keep it in your wallet all the time when you're paying, you're just whatever the first one comes out because if you weight you think about how everyone will be so mad at you. and then you think why do i care i won't see all these people again, fire, fire, fire, you're not going to look for the gift card and you're like sorry. people are like who are you? i'm like i'm really sorry. that's how i shop. >> tyrus: are you a a gift card giver?

>> morgan: no, i don't like them. i'm surprised you like them. it's the most impersonal gift. young about you at all. although i guess now i'll give you gift cards since you like them. >> katie: you have good taste you're a fancy friend you can buy me gifts. but when people buy you something you don't want you feel obligated to have it and it goes in a closet and it's like my husband's grandma or whoever, it's a waste. it's a waste of their money so they should get you a gift card. >> tyrus: something about someone stopping at 7-11 to get you a birthday gift. >> 7-11? i mean, come on. >> tyrus: all right. >> kat: i just remember how mad i was my husband wouldn't let us register for our wedding on the dark web. >> tyrus: okay. don't go away we'll be right back >> if you will be in the new york area and would like 43 tickets to see gutfeld go to

foxnews.com/gutfeld and click on the link to join our studios audience. astepro starts working in 30 minutes. so you can... astepro and go.

i'll pick this one up. i earn 3% cash back on dining including takeout with chase freedom unlimited. so, it's not a problem at all. you guys aren't gonna give me the fake bill fight? c'mon, kev. you're earning 3% cash back. humor me. where is my wallet? i am paying. where is my wallet? i thought i gave it to you. oooohhh?

oh, that's not it either. no. no. stop, i insist. that was good though. earn big time with chase freedom unlimited with no annual fee. how do you cashback? chase. make more of what's yours.

>> tyrus: thanks again to morgan ortagus, gooded, katie pavlich, kat timpf, the whole crew fox news at night with the wonderful shannon bream is next. i'm tyrus on behalf of greg gutfeld. he loves you, america! [cheers and applause] ♪♪ ♪ >> shannon: hello and welcome to fox news at night, i'm shannon bream in washington. ♪ >> shannon: breaking tonight we're following two big stories, down to the wire ahead of his self-imposed deadline, president biden is reportedly set to make a major announcement just hours from now regarding student loan debt. we are crunching the numbers, our bream team panel will break down how much it could cost each u.s. taxpayer and why some progressives say still

tv

Greg Gutfeld examines the news of the day through a satiric lens fused with pop culture.

TOPIC FREQUENCY

New York 10, Katie 9, Us 5, America 4, John Cena 3, Greg 3, Katie Pavlich 3, Biden 3, Washington 3, Arizona 3, Joe 2, Shannon Bream 2, Navy 2, Trump 2, Bret Baier 2, Donald Trump 2, White House 2, Greg Abbott 2, Leon 2, Florida 2

Notes

This material may be protected by copyright law (Title 17 U.S. Code).

info Stream Only